Parenting is triggering.
I was years into my illustrious parenting career before I figured this out.
It took me years into my illustrious parenting career before I figured out that parenting is triggering. It took me so long before I realized my emotional responses to my kids were mostly old emotional things in me being activated. Like, really old stuff, and not much of it was new or had anything to do with whatever the issue at hand was. I knew I got anxious and frustrated and overwhelmed but it took me forever to be able to see that when my kids were having a hard time, I was immediately taken to a place of being small and overwhelmed myself, and it took me even LONGER to figure out why. Not very efficient. Oh well, we learn when we’re ready. I wish I was ready sooner but here we are. I wish we’d all been ready, said Larry Norman.
My childhood feelings weren’t validated for several reasons, a big one being because it was the ‘70s and ‘80s, and also I grew up in Christian culture where you weren’t supposed to feel your vulnerable feelings and if you tried to the consequences were swift and severe.
The boomers had it just as bad and if they didn’t challenge it or try to get better they just passed it on, so all I want to do is to break that pattern and not kick the can down the road for my kids to deal with. I know I’ve broken big chains as far as family lineage but I’m beginning to think the trigger factor may not ever go completely away. I’ve been so ashamed about it all this time but I’m also beginning to think shame isn’t helpful and it’s kind of the wrong response to something that’s coming up for me that can actually help me. Our triggers are just showing us where we need deeper healing.
I didn’t know it would keep going after my kids were in their freaking twenties but again, HERE WE ARE. It truly never ends, not in a fatalistic way, but what you need to heal is always coming to you. That never ends. Zooming out and getting perspective is what I want to concentrate on because I think that’s where the truth is. I was going to say I think that’s where the solutions lie but I guess the solution is always the truth. Sometimes I think about getting ZOOM OUT tattooed on my hand so I won’t forget it but I notice it getting easier or more automatic at least, overall. I need ZOOM OUT AND GET PERSPECTIVE on the back of my hand forever. I keep going over these steps and they’re helping so, so much:
